I’ve always thought that the only type of friends I’ve had were the ones that I just saw at parties or hung out with on the weekends. I know now that I have much more that that. Recently, not just me, but people I consider to be my best friends as well, have been going through a tough time. My friends and I have been able to be there for each other, which, as everyone knows, is helpful when going through a depressing period. I’m so grateful to my girls for sticking with me, and I know they feel the same. So this raises the question in my mind of quality versus quantity.
I’ve heard people say before “oh I have twenty best friends”. But do you really? If someone in your family died, how many of those “best friends” would be there to talk to? I mean really sit down and talk to you, and not just say “Oh that sucks. I am sorry”. The number would be much less than you think. The quality of a relationship you have with someone becomes clear when you really need that person. It becomes clear when that person can offer you a perspective that you have not thought of before. Friendship is not just hanging out with someone. It is leaning on the person, learning from that person, and growing every step of the way. Life is tough, but it is a lot tougher if there is no one there when you need support.
Take a second to stop and think. Are your friends quantified or qualified?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
I think this is very interesting that you mention this. My high school was full of people who had twenty friends and everyone in the school knew who they were. At times, I got down on myself for not having as many friends. Was I weird? I didn’t think I was. But in the end, I was and still am perfectly content having people around me who build me up, care about me, and challenge me. To be cliché, that is what friends are for. I have always been the type of person to be content with just a few best friends. I love having people around me but I would rather have three people who genuinely care rather than twenty shallow people who could care less. I agree that in the toughest times of your life, you really see who your true friends are. I have had many hard times this year, and the great friends that I have made have always helped me through those times. My question is why people like having lots of friends rather than a few who care? Or is it possible to have twenty friends who all care?
This topic and MAM's question are good food for thought. People who brag about having lots of friends want others to see them as popular. But how important is popularity, really? Popularity might help you get a job, make connections, get invitations to parties, and so on. So to many people it's important. Maybe more important than friendships. Being a real friend takes time--could you be a real friend to twenty people? Who has time to do that? You have to choose which people deserve your precious time and attentions. (We are talking Csikszentmihalyi here.) So I'd say to MAM, since friendship is a two-way street, can you have twenty friends? What do you think is the relationship between friendship and popularity, if any?
People that strive to have quantity and not quality may not have been faced with situations that demand close friends. I agree with what cec said. I feel like it would be impossible to have twenty friends that care or even to care deeply about twenty people because it takes alot of time and investment of energy.
I think the answer is pretty obvious in this case: quality definitely outweighs quantity. I'm perfectly happy with the fact that I only have a couple really good friends who I can trust with my life. While I've never had a group of 20 friends (acquaintances) I bet that it's a better feeling having the one or two friends that would take a bullet for you rather than a lot who may or may not be there for you when you need them most. The importance of good friendship cannot be understated either. Without at least one good friend, the world can be a very lonely and harsh place. Having a best friend that will be there to pick you up when you fall and celebrate with you during your achievements is easily one of the best feelings a person can have.
I think another point to make is the difference of conversations you hold with your acquaintances and close confidantes. With acquaintances only the superficial matters. You may run into them around campus and exchange hellos, but that it probably the extent of the conversation. On the other hand, with best friends you can talk about what you're really thinking and experiencing. Really talk about what's on your mind and express your opinion without fear of being shut down or criticized. One thing I have to mention regarding best friends is that it doesn't matter if they are physically there for you. The connection between y'all is what's crucial. My best friend and I are at different universities and only see each other during the breaks if we're lucky. We don't have to call each other every day or even every week. We can go a month without keeping in touch, come home for spring break, and talk over coffee for hours like nothing has changed between us. She's the only person who I can tell anything to. She's there for me emotionally. That's the biggest difference in friends. Physically hanging out with friends all the time isn't the same as having a real heart-to-heart every once in awhile. Every one needs someone they can spill their heart and soul out to without being judged. Quality is definitely better than quantity.
I really like the topic you choose because I feel like it is easy to relate too. There are a few things I would change... One is that there are many grammatical errors so just proof read it and the other is that you can make it more personal. Maybe share some of your past experiences with friends in your post. But I did feel like it was a very good topic because you targeted your audience (college students) who I am sure are going through the same things.
Coming to college I thought I would keep in touch with every single girlfriend from home on a regular basis. But out of the 6 of us, I only talk to one of them every other day or so. It has been great because even one-thousand miles away from each other our friendship is just as strong. My mom always said that high school friends are great friends but that it is in college where you meet friends that will last. The first month or so of college I had great friends but know that something wasn't right. Luckily through a guy i was talking to at the time I met some of the greatest girls I think I have ever met. The four of us immediatley became so close---I could automatically be myself and did not have to worry about them judging me, which is tough especially going to a school like SMU. What I love about it is that were are there for each other no matter what and though we have not even known each other a year we have gone through a lot together. Everything from a death in the family, to heartbreak as well as family problems. It is so nice having that solid group of friends you can count on as well as the much larger picture of people I also love to hang out with. I completely agree with you though when it comes to what friends are there for the long haul or just the party that night.
Post a Comment