More on friendship: quality and quantity

Narcissism and insecurity are two very different things that happen to create the same behavior. People in these two situations, want to be liked (or in the narcissists case feels everyone worships them), and put others down to feel more important and special. People who are popular, are not comfortable with themselves so they have to change in order to fit in and feel well-liked. The problem is that not many people actually like popular kids. Remember that group of girls or boys in the junior high that thought they ruled the school? Of course you do because you were probably teased by them. We all were. These kids tease others and each other because they feel insecure and need to build their own self-esteem (true to narcissistic behavior as well).

Popular kids think they have a lot of friends, but how can you have friends when you’re not even expressing your true nature? And, these so-called friends are quick to turn on you when you experience any sort of weakness. They point out your flaws and use them against you. If they witness the slightest signal of vulnerability, they go in for the kill (there’s that self-esteem issue again). How can you think that people you can’t even trust are your friends?

Popular people do not know what the meaning of true friendship is. If they did, they would not be so concerned with being popular. In a study done with school age girls, popularity outranked friendship when the girls were asked to choose between the two, and these girls were willing to make any sacrifice in order to become popular. What’s the biggest sacrifice? The biggest sacrifice is the sacrifice of the self. Having quality friendships encourages growth of the self. Being popular encourages you to tuck your true self away.

My final point is people who are popular may not have experienced any tough life issues. When you have a situation that calls for social support, you will find out who your true friends are. A study with fifth grade children found that if you seek help from a friend (which popular people may not do because of expressing vulnerability), and that person reacts negatively or in a way that is not helpful, the friendship is damaged. So, if you have a lot of friends, and I use the term loosely, you may not have any lost or damaged friendships. This could mean that you’ve never experienced a situation where you had to go to someone for help. It could also mean, that when you did ask for help, your friends were helpful, but this is unlikely because you can’t form quality from quantity.

More on Friends and Money

I commented on this person's blog because their entry lead me to some more thoughts and ideas on how money and relationships work. Check it out:

http://ahdblogger.blogspot.com/

It is the post about the power of purchase.

Drugs and the Birth of Super Humanity?

CEC raises an interesting point I commented on about adderall:

http://wontrunoutofink.blogspot.com/

Friendship: Quality, not Quantity

I’ve always thought that the only type of friends I’ve had were the ones that I just saw at parties or hung out with on the weekends. I know now that I have much more that that. Recently, not just me, but people I consider to be my best friends as well, have been going through a tough time. My friends and I have been able to be there for each other, which, as everyone knows, is helpful when going through a depressing period. I’m so grateful to my girls for sticking with me, and I know they feel the same. So this raises the question in my mind of quality versus quantity.

I’ve heard people say before “oh I have twenty best friends”. But do you really? If someone in your family died, how many of those “best friends” would be there to talk to? I mean really sit down and talk to you, and not just say “Oh that sucks. I am sorry”. The number would be much less than you think. The quality of a relationship you have with someone becomes clear when you really need that person. It becomes clear when that person can offer you a perspective that you have not thought of before. Friendship is not just hanging out with someone. It is leaning on the person, learning from that person, and growing every step of the way. Life is tough, but it is a lot tougher if there is no one there when you need support.

Take a second to stop and think. Are your friends quantified or qualified?